How to Tell Your Significant Other You Have an Eating Disorder
Opening up about an eating disorder (ED) to a significant other can feel scary and vulnerable, but having their support and understanding can be a huge part of your recovery. If you’re ready to share, here’s how to approach the conversation in a way that fosters trust, honesty, and emotional safety.
When Should You Tell Them?
· Consider telling your partner when:
o You feel safe and comfortable with them
o You’re ready for support, not judgment
o You want them to better understand your behaviors and struggles
o Your ED is affecting your relationship, and you need to set boundaries or explain certain behaviors
· Avoid telling them during:
o Arguments or emotionally charged situations
o A time when either of you is distracted, tired, or under stress
o A rushed moment—give yourself enough time for a real conversation
· The right time is when you feel emotionally safe and ready to have an open conversation.
How to Prepare for the Conversation
· Decide what you want to share
o Do you want to tell them everything or just a little to start?
o Are you looking for support, understanding, or just awareness?
o Would it help to write down your thoughts beforehand?
· Anticipate their reactions
o They may not fully understand at first (many people don’t)
o They might feel worried, shocked, or unsure how to respond
o They might ask questions you don’t have all the answers to—and that’s okay
· Choose a safe and comfortable setting
o Find a quiet, private space where you can talk without interruptions
o If in-person feels too hard, writing a letter, texting, or sending a voice note can also work
· Plan ahead, set realistic expectations, and choose a comfortable setting for the conversation.
What to Say: Sample Conversation Starters
If you’re unsure how to begin, here are a few ways to start:
· Direct and honest approach
o “I want to share something really personal with you. I have an eating disorder, and it’s been something I’ve struggled with for a while. I don’t expect you to fix it, but I want you to understand what I’m going through.”
· If you’re unsure how much to share
o “There’s something I’ve been dealing with that I haven’t told many people about. I struggle with my relationship with food and my body, and I wanted to be honest with you about it.”
· If you need their support
o “I trust you, and I want to share something that’s been really hard for me. I have an eating disorder, and I’m working on recovery. It would mean a lot if you could support me as I go through this.”
· If you want to explain certain behaviors
o “I want to tell you something because I don’t want it to cause confusion in our relationship. Sometimes I struggle with eating and my body image, and it can affect my mood or how I act around food. I care about you and just want you to understand where I’m coming from.”
· Keep it simple and honest—there’s no “perfect” way to say it, just what feels right for you.
Handling Their Reactions
Common Reactions & How to Respond
· Supportive and understanding:
o “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
o Best Response: Appreciate their support and let them know what helps you most
· Confused or unsure what to say:
o “I don’t fully understand, but I want to support you.”
o Best Response: Offer to share resources or explain your experience in simple terms
· Minimizing or dismissing It:
o “But you look fine” or “Just eat more/less.”
o Best Response: “I know it might not seem serious to you, but for me, it really is. I just need your understanding, not advice.”
· Overly worried or trying to “Fix” It:
o “I’m so scared for you! What can I do to fix this?”
o Best Response: “I appreciate your concern, but what helps most is just listening and supporting me, not trying to solve it.”
· Everyone reacts differently—focus on setting boundaries and asking for the kind of support you need
What Kind of Support Do You Need?
· After sharing, let them know what would be helpful
o “I don’t expect you to fix this, but I’d love your support”
o “If I seem anxious around food, please be patient with me”
o “I’d rather you not comment on my body or what I eat”
o “Sometimes I just need someone to listen when I’m struggling”
· Setting boundaries helps your partner support you in a way that’s actually helpful
What If They Don’t React Well?
If your partner reacts negatively or doesn’t understand, that doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing.
If They:
· Judge or Shame You
o This is not your fault—they may not be the right person to confide in
· Ignore or Downplay It
o Consider setting firm boundaries or seeking support elsewhere
· Make You Feel Unsafe
o You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected and supported
· Your eating disorder is not a burden
o If someone doesn’t respect your experience, that’s on them—not you
Final Thoughts: You Are Brave for Sharing
· You don’t have to share everything all at once—just what feels safe
· It’s okay if they don’t fully understand at first—education takes time
· Their reaction doesn’t define your worth—you deserve support
· Your eating disorder does not make you unlovable or weak
· Final Thought: Telling your significant other about your ED is a courageous step. The right partner will listen, support, and stand by you
Disclaimer: This information is intended for educational purposes and should not replace professional medical advice. If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs immediate help, please contact a healthcare professional or crisis intervention service immediately.
