Script for Setting Boundaries Around Your Eating Disorder
Setting boundaries is essential when discussing your eating disorder with a partner, family member, or friend. Clear boundaries help protect your mental health, prevent triggering situations, and create a supportive environment in recovery.
Below is a customizable script to help you set healthy boundaries while keeping the conversation honest and productive.
Starting the Conversation: Setting the Tone
"I want to share something important with you because I value our relationship. My eating disorder is something I’ve struggled with, and I’m working on recovery. I don’t expect you to fix it, but I do want to set some boundaries so I can feel safe and supported."
Why This Works: It frames the conversation as a way to strengthen your relationship, not as a demand or complaint.
Boundary: No Comments on My Body or Weight
Triggering Statements to Avoid:
"You look so healthy now!"
"You don’t even look like you have an ED."
"You’ve lost/gained weight!"
"I would really appreciate it if we didn’t talk about my body or weight. Even if it’s meant as a compliment, comments about my appearance can be really triggering for me."
Alternative Response If They Push Back:"I know it might seem harmless, but my eating disorder makes me hyper-aware of these things. What really helps me is focusing on things outside of my appearance."
Boundary: No Comments on What I Eat (or Don’t Eat)
Triggering Statements to Avoid:
"Are you sure you want to eat that?"
"You should eat more/less."
"That’s all you’re having?"
"It would mean a lot to me if you didn’t comment on my food choices. I’m working on building a healthy relationship with food, and judgments—whether good or bad—can make it harder."
Alternative Response If They Push Back: "I know you mean well, but my eating disorder turns small comments into big mental battles. It helps me more when we just enjoy meals together without pressure."
Boundary: No Diet Talk Around Me
Triggering Conversations to Avoid:
"I need to lose weight."
"I ate so much today—I have to make up for it."
"I can’t eat that, it’s bad for me."
"Could we avoid talking about dieting, calories, or weight loss when we’re together? It’s hard for me to hear, and I’m working on shifting my mindset around food and body image."
Alternative Response If They Push Back:"I respect your choices, but I need to protect my recovery. Can we talk about something else?"
Boundary: Respecting My Triggers & Coping Mechanisms
"Sometimes I might need space, or I may not be comfortable in certain situations, like eating out or talking about weight. If I step away or ask to change the subject, please know it’s not about you—I just need to protect my mental health."
Alternative Response If They Push Back: "I’m not trying to be difficult—I just know what helps me and what doesn’t. Recovery is hard, and I need to put my well-being first."
Boundary: How I’d Like to Be Supported
Ways They Can Help Instead:
· "I appreciate when you just listen without judgment."
· "It helps when you support me in non-food ways, like asking how I’m feeling rather than what I ate."
· "If I’m having a hard day, I just need kindness, not solutions."
· I know this might be new for you, and I don’t expect you to get everything right. Just knowing you’re here for me and respecting these boundaries means a lot."
What If They Don’t Respect My Boundaries?
If someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries: "I’ve shared that this is something really important for my recovery, but I feel like my boundaries aren’t being respected. If we’re going to have a healthy relationship, I need you to take this seriously."
Final Thought: Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about protecting your peace and healing. You have every right to set and enforce them.
Disclaimer: This information is intended for educational purposes and should not replace professional medical advice. If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs immediate help, please contact a healthcare professional or crisis intervention service immediately.
