Funny Things An Eating Disorder Specialist May Tell You
"I care deeply about you… and your electrolytes."
"You can hate me now for recommending the snack. Future you will thank me. Or at least not faint."
"Let’s just say the scale has trust issues. We’re not going to listen to it today."
"If your eating disorder had a job, it would be fear-mongering and poor nutritional advice. We're firing it."
"No, a banana is not a binge. It’s a fruit. And also not emotionally manipulative."
"Water is great—but it’s not a meal, and it doesn’t count as lunch just because it came in a mason jar."
"I'm not going to let your ED gaslight you. I'm trained in medical science and sass."
"You are not a walking calorie calculator, and I'm not letting you become one."
"I’d rather you eat the cookie and cry about it than restrict and pretend you’re fine. That’s called progress."
"Your brain is underfed. You’re not ‘crazy,’ you’re carb-deficient."
"Let's feed you like someone we want to keep around."
"Your worth is not defined by your jeans size, your GPA, or your ability to say no to pancakes."
"Your eating disorder has opinions. I have a license and a degree."
"Recovery is hard, but so is redoing labs every week. Pick your hard."
“Your eating disorder is loud—but I have a louder clipboard and zero chill about keeping you alive."
Why This Humor Works
It softens shame
Helps patients feel seen and disarmed
Builds therapeutic alliance through realness
Reminds everyone that you can be serious about recovery and still laugh about it
