Funny (But Real) Things Your Dietitian May Say
“Yes, Pop-Tarts count as food.”
“Your body doesn’t care if that yogurt was organic—it just wants fuel.”
“You can’t mess up breakfast. You’re not a lab experiment.”
“A cookie and a carrot can coexist peacefully on the same plate.”
“Your stomach is not a moral compass.”
“I promise, peanut butter is not out to get you.”
“We don’t earn food—we deserve food.”
“Let’s just get you fed. Perfection can wait.”
“No, lettuce is not a meal. It’s a supporting actor.”
“If your snack has to be a secret, it probably needs a lawyer. Let’s change that.”
“You are not a fridge. You don’t need to be ‘cleaned out.’”
“Let’s eat like a toddler who just woke up from a nap: carbs first, questions later.”
“Butter is not the enemy. Neither is bread. This is not a war zone.”
“You’re allowed to eat because you’re alive, not because you went to the gym.”
“If your craving is cake, the solution is probably… cake.”
What These Dietitians Actually Mean:
Food is not moral
All foods fit
You don’t need to earn nourishment
Recovery doesn’t mean “clean eating”—it means healing your relationship with food
A gentle sense of humor can help fight shame
