How to Speak to a Member of the LGBTQ+ Community About an Eating Disorder

Affirming Conversations That Promote Safety, Support, and Healing

Eating disorders impact people of all gender identities and sexual orientations. However, LGBTQ+ individuals experience eating disorders at higher rates than their cisgender, heterosexual peers, often due to unique stressors such as discrimination, trauma, identity-related distress, and lack of affirming care.

Approaching a loved one, friend, patient, or client from the LGBTQ+ community about a suspected eating disorder should be done with careful attention to language, identity, and trust.

1. Educate Yourself First

Before initiating the conversation, take time to understand:

• How eating disorders may manifest differently in LGBTQ+ individuals (e.g., body dysmorphia related to gender, use of restriction as a form of identity control or body modification)

• The role of minority stress — the chronic stress LGBTQ+ people may experience due to stigma, discrimination, and invisibility

• That LGBTQ+ individuals may have had prior negative experiences with medical or mental health providers, leading to mistrust or avoidance

Helpful resources:

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)

• The Trevor Project

• Trans Lifeline

• LGBTQ+ affirming therapy directories (e.g., Psychology Today, Inclusive Therapists)

2. Use Affirming, Nonjudgmental Language

Start the conversation from a place of care and curiosity, not criticism. Avoid assumptions about gender, sexuality, or the reason for the eating disorder.

Say things like:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been going through a tough time, and I care about you.”

• “Would it be okay if I shared something I’ve been concerned about?”

• “How are things going with food, your body, or just feeling at home in yourself lately?”

• “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here and want to support you in whatever way feels best.”

Avoid:

• Labeling the behavior before they do (“You have anorexia”)

• Attributing it to identity alone (“Is this because you’re gay/trans?”)

• Making body-focused comments (“But you look fine”)

• Using gendered or binary language unless you know their pronouns and identity

3. Acknowledge Their Unique Experience

Eating disorders in LGBTQ+ people are often shaped by:

• Body dysphoria, not just dissatisfaction

• Cultural beauty standards within their communities (e.g., hypermasculinity, thin ideal, androgyny)

• Rejection from family, community, or peers

• Internalized stigma or shame

• Experiences of violence or trauma

Let them know you understand these factors may be contributing. For example:

“I can’t fully understand what it’s like to be in your body or navigate this world as you do, but I recognize how hard it must be. You deserve support that affirms all of who you are.”

4. Center Safety and Autonomy

Many LGBTQ+ individuals have had decisions made for them. Be mindful not to pressure or control the conversation.

Offer support, not solutions:

• “Would it help to talk to someone about this? I can help you find an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist if you want.”

• “Is there anything I can do to support you right now — emotionally, practically, or otherwise?”

• “Would it feel safe to involve someone else, like a provider or trusted adult?”

Respect if they’re not ready. Keep the door open.

5. Connect Them With LGBTQ+ Affirming Resources

Finding the right provider matters. Not all therapists or dietitians understand LGBTQ+ identities, and a mismatch can cause harm.

Look for professionals who:

• Are openly affirming or have training in LGBTQ+ care

• Understand how gender dysphoria intersects with food and body image

• Respect chosen names, pronouns, and experiences

• Avoid weight-normative or appearance-focused approaches

You might say:

“If you ever want to talk to someone, I can help you find someone who won’t make assumptions or try to ‘fix’ your identity — just someone who wants to help you feel better and more at peace.”

6. Follow Up and Stay Present

Trust isn’t built in one conversation. Even if they don’t open up right away, your words plant a seed.

• Check in regularly: “Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”

• Avoid “watching” their behaviors unless invited — focus on connection, not control

• Celebrate non-body-related aspects of who they are

• Keep learning — let them guide you on what affirming care looks like for them

Final Thought

When you speak to an LGBTQ+ person about an eating disorder, you are not just addressing food or behavior — you’re entering sacred ground where identity, safety, and trust live.

Lead with care. Listen more than you speak. Honor their story.

And remember: your presence, when grounded in empathy and affirmation, can be a powerful form of healing.